I competed in the Gold Cup Classic bodybuilding show in 1993 at the age of 27. I competed in the Victory OCB bodybuilding show in 2021 at the age of 55. That’s about 28 years apart.
In 1993 I did the Gold Cup Classic bodybuilding show. It was a drug tested show. I had been training for years before doing that show. I trained like a bodybuilder, and I did enjoy training immensely. I was flat out afraid to do a show. I was overweight as a teen and really had not gotten over that at that point. It’s like a recovery process. I had not gotten my insides to match my outsides, yet.
I put off bodybuilding shows repeatedly. Finally in 1993 I summoned the courage to do one. I was very disciplined and stuck to my plan like clockwork. I believe I started the cutting weight process at around 190 pounds. I was a muscular, lean, 190 pounds. By the end of the cutting process, I was at 159 pounds at weigh ins. I was as lean as I had ever been in my life. This means I lost about 30 pounds. I believe I started the cut about 10 weeks out. It may have been 11 or 12 weeks.
I ended up placing 3rd in the middle weight class. I was and am very proud of this. To me It was silencing a lot of demons that liked to tell me I was an imposter and not thin or fit. That unresolved childhood stuff weighs heavy. After the show, I told myself I was done with bodybuilding and said I was “done” competing. Why? I said at the time It was because all the bodybuilders were insecure. I’m not sure if that was my true reason. It's funny how we can be so close to ourselves and not really know ourselves. Was it because I met that goal but that didn’t make me happy? Or closer to my real goal of being accepted? Was I simply bored with it? Was I afraid that I couldn’t replicate that success again? I don’t know. But at that time in my life, I was done with it.
When I was training in my 20’s and leading up to the show I was mostly a cook and not a chef. I followed what the “big boys” were doing either by modeling people I knew at the gym that were bigger and stronger than me or by reading muscle magazines. After I gained some personal experience, I would use that too. I was typically an alpha and not a follower when I worked out with people, but I did not really know what was beneath the workout plans at that time. I did not have a lot of formal knowledge of why things work (I was not a chef yet). I started showing signs of success and continued to make progress. If it’s not broke don’t fix it.
Besides modeling people bigger than me and using some of my experience of success I did read books on working out. But at that time I may not have been able to judge what was a good book on the topic or not. I really didn’t learn the ins/outs of training until I started my formal education in exercise physiology. That evolved and took time. I continue to evolve.
Last year in 2020 I decided I wanted to do another bodybuilding show. That was 28 years later from when I was last on the stage, give or take. Like most personal motives I’m not overly sure why I became motivated to do one. I’m glad I did, and I’ve now done three since 2020. I’ve been calling it fit after 50. And I do believe that. I’m happy about my fitness. Maybe I was bored. Maybe I wanted to stir up more business. Maybe I wanted to take my working out in another direction again. I’m not sure what. I do believe we evolve as people. Again, I’m glad I did. I ended up doing well and I feel good about it.
The shows were/are mostly the same as when I left them. There are far more categories now. When I did the show in the 90’s there was just men and women’s bodybuilding. Maybe there was a “physique” division too, but I don’t remember any. I believe some of the women’s “fitness” categories were just beginning then. Now there are many, many categories for both men and women. Does this go along with finding a category for everyone? Is it simple economics and the promoters know they can make more money with more categories? Probably that. In the end, it’s all good because more people will be training for a goal to better themselves and more people will have the experience to feel success. No doubt that participation is way up now than in the 90’s overall. Bodybuilding is down, but overall physique is up.
I can say that my insides match my outsides now way more than they did at 27. I did not need a show to prove to me that I'm not an imposter. Did I need some validation that “I still got it”? Maybe. I would believe that. Don't we all? Is that so bad? But I don’t remember consciously feeling that way. I don’t feel like an imposter anymore. I know we are a product of our choices with stuff like this. I ate well and trained so therefore I can have close to my best physique. I no longer feel that people are either “have its” or “don’t have it.” People are just not born better. That was my early imposter hang up. I simply wanted to do it. I thought of having a goal to train for was good.
I was very good about trusting my insides and simplicity up until about ten days of my first show back. Then I started doubting myself a little. Wait, I thought, what were others doing the final week of the show? I learned the term “peak week.” We never discussed that term in the 90’s. I started thinking that maybe I should shift this or that. I do think that slight hesitation impacted my confidence slightly. But I was very happy with the outcome, and I don’t think it impacted me too much. Isn’t that normal? I always say that going on stage with nothing on but your underwear will really push all your vulnerabilities and really make you check and recheck your boxes! I definely learned that posing is so important and I’m not sure I put the practice or emphasis in on that when I was in my 20’s.
I’m much more of a chef now than I was when I first competed. I was a good cook then. Now I’m a great chef. That also makes me a great trainer. I know the method to the madness. Do I know it all? Of course not! None of us do. I keep learning all the time. But I know how things work and why. I know that I genetically have the build that If I develop myself, I can be a bodybuilder. We all have different genetic shapes and that’s a good thing. So, I no longer think that there is a certain perfect way we must train to be a bodybuilder. Are there different subtle ways to train? Yes. But overall, physique athletes need to have muscle, symmetry, and definition. We can gain that by working out (at all) and eating clean. Again, there are nuances but mostly if you don’t have the genetics to do physique it will be difficult. I’m not trying to imply that having a physique build is the best build. To each his own. I’m not being negative. I’m pointing out that we are all born with different genes. I could never be 300 pounds and play defensive tackle in the NFL. If I got to 300, I would be obese and not muscular and fast like those NFL guys are.
What gets me there is what I would pay attention to as I was training myself. If I overtrained, then I would lose muscle as I dieted. I knew I couldn’t gain muscle while dieting down. Did I follow my own bodybuilding plan? Of course. But I followed it loosely understanding what was most important and I made changes based on that.
I’ve become a chef and I do enjoy it. I really enjoyed these three shows I’ve done in my 50’s. I did not feel like bodybuilders are insecure. I saw great competitors on stage that looked great and acted great. I saw many, many great sports. To me it’s a very rewarding sport with inspiring people. It’s amazing how good your neighbors look when you wash your own windows and clean up your view.
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